I’ve noticed a bit of a ruckus about this new ban on the “stick rocket” kind of fireworks, but I’ve been unable to care much.

I mean, I kinda grew bored with loud bangs and flashy lights when I was 10. Or possibly before.

And also, if I want to hear loud bangs and see flashy lights, I find it’s much cheaper just to rent a Michael Bay movie.

(Okay, in a series of cheap shots, that last one was too cheap, even for me. I apologize. Sincerely.)