Recent posts in A Slight Apocalypse

Results Indicate That I Am David Eddings

What’s this? Two blog posts in two days? I must be sick, or at least procrastinating like crazy. But whichever the case should turn out to be (I’m rooting for both), I just wanted to drop by to share with you my results on this nifty test I took. It tells you which fantasy author you’re most like (or at least how you compare to the content of the fantasy author’s work), and I ended up being the recently deceased David Eddings, which I guess is like being a more pulpy version of JRR Tolkien.

I’m okay with that though, ’cause I remember liking Eddings’ work when I was a youngster, and even though I’ve since noticed how it’s… you know, not all that great, really, I should also try to remember that it was aimed at a certain demographic, and was quite successful at doing what it did.

If you do take the test, please drop your results in the comment section. I would dearly like to make fun of you if you turned out to be something like Terry Goodkind or Robert Stanek :)

David Eddings (b. 1931)

-1 High-Brow, 11 Violent, -1 Experimental and 17 Cynical!

David Eddings (b. 1931)

Congratulations! You are Low-Brow, Violent, Traditional and Cynical! These concepts are defined below.

David Eddings is the best-selling author of several series of fantasy novels, the most famous being The Belgariad (1982-84) and The Malloreon (1988-92). These books have become almost epitomic of the kind of fantasy that is fast-paced, full of humorous dialogue and written to entertain. And entertain they do. Few other writers have Eddings’ ability to create characters that not only makes the reader feel as if he or she knows them, but are also very likeable. Perhaps this is due to Eddings unusual path to writing fantasy: He had tried writing in other genres with moderate success when he discovered that fantasy, a genre he had hitherto not been interested in, sometimes sells very well, and therefore started turning an old sketch of a map into a series of books. Without an interest in experimenting with form or pushing the boundaries of the genre, Eddings created the penultimate light entertainment instead, trusting his readers to keep reading because of charming characters and exotic, though not particularly original, environments.

After the success of The Belgariad and The Malloreon, Eddings turned to writing fantasy which was, supposedly, aimed at a more adult audience. The tendency towards violence as entertainment that had been present through-out his early works grew more prominent in the series of The Elenium (1989-91)and The Tamuli (1992-94). It was also around this time that David Eddings wife, Leigh Eddings, was credited as the co-author of his books, though they admitted that she had been contributing from the very beginning.

Though Eddings isn’t the most high cultured of fantasy writers, few would dispute that when it comes to charm, he has no rivals.

You are also a lot like J R R Tolkien.

If you want something more gentle, try Robert Jordan.

If you’d like a challenge, try your exact opposite, Tove Jansson.

Bad Directions

Well it’s 9th and Hennepin
And all the donuts have
Names that sound like prostitutes
And the moon’s teeth marks are
On the sky like a tarp thrown over all this
And the broken umbrellas like
Dead birds and the steam
Comes out of the grill like
The whole goddamned town is ready to blow.
And the bricks are all scarred with jailhouse tattoos
And everyone is behaving like dogs.
And the horses are coming down Violin Road
And Dutch is dead on his feet
And the rooms all smell like diesel
And you take on the
Dreams of the ones who have slept here.
And I’m lost in the window
I hide on the stairway
I hang in the curtain
I sleep in your hat
And no one brings anything
Small into a bar around here.
They all started out with bad directions
And the girls behind the counter has a tattooed tear,
One for every year he’s away she said, such
A crumbling beauty, but there’s
Nothing wrong with her that
$100 won’t fix, she has that razor sadness
That only gets worse
With the clang and the thunder of the
Southern Pacific going by
As the clock ticks out like a dripping faucet
Till you’re full of rag water and bitters and blue ruin
And you spill out
Over the side to anyone who’ll listen
And I’ve seen it
All through the yellow windows
Of the evening train.

– 9th & Hennepin, Rain Dogs, lyrics by Tom Waits

Gods & What Gods Do

“Gods like to party.

Gods like to fornicate.

In fact, that’s mostly what gods do.

And why wouldn’t we?

We’re GODS!

- “The King”, page 149, written & drawn by Rich Koslowski

Bragging Shelf

Because the audience doesn’t demand it, I hereby post a picture of my “bragging shelf”. What is the “bragging shelf”, you ask? Well, it’s the books & comics I have sitting on display next to my TV and sofa, and they’re mainly chosen because they’re: a. Awesome, b. Really pretty, or c. Can’t be put in my regular shelves because they either weigh to fucking much or are too fucking big.

And so, without further ado, I refer you to the picture below:

On your far left, you see my encased limited & illustrated (by Alan Lee) copy of The Lord of the Rings, written by a certain J. R. R. Tolkien. I especially like the fact that this book appears to be a literal (in more than one way) cornerstone of my bragging collection.

Then, moving further onto the back-left, you see George R. R. Marting - continuing the double R tradition - with three of his A Song of Ice & Fire books. These books are there because they’re actually really pretty when displayed like this, and because I’m currently reading A Clash of Kings (book 2, which as you’ll notice is not present in the picture).

Continuing with the books from the left, you’re seeing my hardcovers of Neil Gaiman’s American Gods & Joe Hill’s short-story collection 20th Century Ghosts (both there because they’re among my favourites). Then you see my special signed limited edition of Steven Erikson’s Lees of Laughter’s End, before Scott Lynch comes a-prancing with my limited & signed edition of his books, The Lies of Locke Lamora & Red Seas Under Red Skies. Sitting next to that is my signed lim. ed. of Nick Harkaway’s The Gone-Away World, which is probably a mite too black to do itself proper justice.

Turning your attention to the comics displayed, you’ll notice that my Hellboy library editions are hidden comfartably at the back on the far left. I really like those books, but to be fair, they only got the spot because I have no where else to put them because of their size. The same goes for my Absolute Sandman collection, vol. 1-4, but those actually deserve their spot.

Then, on the top left, you see my omnibus edition of Ed Brubaker’s & Steve Epting’s run on Captain America, #1-#25. This books is actually so heavy that I fear to put in on my regular shelving, because I think it might break it, but it’s also very good & awesome-looking. Next to it sits one of my favourite comic books, Local by Brian Wood & Ryan Kelly, collected in a gorgeous hardcover from Oni Press (damn, I need to get me some more books from them…). Frank Miller’s 300 gets an honoured spot on the bragging shelf because it’s impossible to shelve properly, dammit, not because I actually think it’s very good. And then finally, there’s Neil Gaiman’s & Dave McKean’s Signal to Noise, which got a spot because I think it’s pretty (and because it’s made by Gaiman & McKean, which is good enough on any given day).

Here’s a higher resolution of the pic. I hope it makes you really jealous.

Neil Gaiman’s Modern Fairy Tales

Have I ever told you how much I love Neil Gaiman, the British fantasy and comic book author extraordinaire? Of course I have! I do it nearly every time we meet - and if by chance we haven’t had the pleasure yet, you’ve already got a leg-up on me by having learned this tidbit. Not bad, not bad at all.

But how would you like two legs up on me? ‘Cause that’s what you’ll get if you read this little paper of mine about Neil Gaiman and his modern fairy tales. By pressing this link and downloading the Word.doc, you’ll be able to relish my thoughts and analysis of three of his major works (”Snow, Glass, Apples”, “Coraline” & “American Gods”) for an entire 28-pages (7000+ words) time. Won’t it be grand? Won’t it be wuuuunderful? You betcha it will!

Some info worth knowing before you head on over: 1: The paper is in Norwegian. 2: I got top marks on it, so if you can’t read Norwegian you’re obviously missing out. 3: I mean, seriously, if you can’t read it, I’d be a little pissed off about now. 4: Especially since these numbered info-bits don’t seem to contain much more than less-than-subtle inflammatory mocking. 5: If this one doesn’t mean anything either, I’d consider not reading the paper at all! 6: Hey, stop reading my mind, stupid internet-blog-text-thingy!

… okay, I’ll stop now. But I do hope you take the time to read my paper, and if you’re considering Neil Gaiman as a subject yourself, I’d be honoured if you managed to finagle some bits of my paper into your own. So long as you don’t, you know, make any money off of it, or by chance discover how I’ve hidden the designs for a nuclear bomb into the text and decide to use it for less-than-humanitarian causes, I’ll be well pleased. I’d be even more glad if you dropped me comment here about it after you were done. Quid pro quo, eh?

All my best,

From your beloved,

Metaphysical Blogger Entity,

Jon Magne Kleiven ( Amras Elensar).

On the Subject of Good & Evil

“There is no reason why good cannot triumph as often as evil. The triumph of anything is a matter of organization. If there are such things as angels, I hope that they are organized along the lines of the mafia.”
- Winston Niles Rumford

The Sirens of Titan by Kurt Vonnegut

Odds & Ends

Hello, my pretties! Here are some miscellaneousness things on  on a Friday night:

-There’s been some confusion regarding the last book of the late Robert Jordan’s Wheel of Time series. Kinda short story even shorter: Nobody knows exactly how many volumes Tor Books have split the final volume into, and nobody knows how they’ll be published. Read all about it here.

- I’m the leader of the student counsel of my high school, and today I managed to make all the students and school employees work together to collect money for a kindergarten in Swaziland (via SOS-barnebyer). It all went reasonably well, without any majorish hiccups, and I’m happy to report that we raised some 25 000 - 30 000 kr with just 4 hours effort. This has been in the works for quite some time now, so it’s a bit of a relief that it all went so smoothly.

- And while we’re talking about things that have been in the works for a while: I got a 6 (the best grade you can get) on my Big Norwegian Paper (aka “særemnet”) about Neil Gaiman, which I’ve been more or less working on since November. Well, that isn’t quite true; I’ve been reading nearly solely things written by Gaiman since November, but the actual work-part (namely the writing) only took about a week. Actually, fifty percent was more or less done in the last two days before I had to get it done… which wasn’t optimal, but there you have it… I’m naturally more than quite pleased with the result, and if anyone’s interested in reading me going on about Gaiman for some 7000+ words, give me a shout out and I’ll make sure the document is made available to you after i get back from…

- … Switzerland! Me and my classmates have been planning a trip to Switzerland for quite some time, and now it’s finally happening. Tomorrow morning (i.e. about six hours from now. *gulp*.) I’ll leave Norway and not return until Wednesday evening. I suppose we’ll be spending a lot of that time wandering Geneva, eating Swiss chocolate and marvelling at the precise clockwork, but the main event is a two day tour of CERN and their world famous Large Hadron Collider (i.e. The Doomsday Device!). I think this is going to be tons of fun and I can’t wait finally get down there.

That’s all folks. Have a nice time without me until Wednesday, eh?

Watchmen

By now you’ve probably read countless reviews of Watchmen, and if you’re anything approaching a fan, you’ve either seen it already, or firmly tried to ignore it out of existence. Whichever Path of the Crazed Fanboy you’ve chosen,  I bet you’re wondering what this particular review will do for you. Will it be so full of impenetrable nerd-lingo that you wish you could’ve reached across the interwebs and given me the wedgie I so rightly deserve? Will it suck so hard that Uwe Boll will option it as his next movie? Or, will it be so damned good that you’ll print it out and draw unicorns making sweet, sweet love on every little inch of it?

If you’ll just calm down for a second and, you know, start making some fucking sense you raving luntatic, you, I’ll be happy to tell you which way it’ll probably go down. This review will be…  thoroughly unoriginal. Hey, hey, hey now. Hold your pretty horses, good sir. Hell, I didn’t mean that it’s unoriginal in that boring way I know you’re thinking. Stopping being such a negative pain the bum, and start paying attention, okay? What I’m saying is this: This review - the one that’s gone on for two paragraphs before it’s even started on the movie - will do what everyone else has been doing. I’m going to talk all normal-like about the movie - and I’m not shying away from spoilers (dude, it’s been twenty years; if you haven’t read the book yet you’ve got no business here).

So… without any further ado, I hereby welcome you all to jump behind the cut, where I sincerely promise to talk about the movie. Well, eventually at least.

Watchmen continued

Things To Do Since I’m Not Here

Hey! I’ve not been blogging lately, but if you hadn’t noticed already I’ll stop drawing attention to it. No need to make things worse than they already are, eh?

I haven’t quit on you or anything; I’ve just been a bit preoccupied with other stuff, and let’s face it - it ain’t exacly like I haven’t been plugging away at this site for some time now. After a while it gets kinda old and stale, and we don’t want that now, do we?

So while I’m away doing whatever I’m doing, I’d like to point your way at some other stuff that deserves your attention.

First off is this new webcomic called Epic Fail, which is written by the (I’m sure) lovely Amy Letts. She asked me very nicely to put up a link to her comic, so that’s what I’m doing.

Personally, I only follow xkcd and Penny Arcade, but you were already reading those, weren’t you?

I’m having a lot of fun with my Twitter account, so feel free to become a member of my mindless horde of followers. Yes, you know you want to.

On the telly front, I’m having a lot of fun keeping up with season 5 of LOST and season 4 of BSG, which is drawing to a close in a mere month! I imagine life will get pretty dull after that… Joss Whedon’s new show, DOLLHOUSE, has aired two episodes as well, and all though they haven’t been mind-blowing or anything, I was quite pleased with the quality of the second one. The show has a lot of potential to get better, and if BUFFY and ANGEL were any indication, the future should be bright for DOLLHOUSE (even if the ratings are far from stellar…).

Oh, and if you want to check out a good SFF & comics blog, I recommend checking out Blood of the Muse. That guy has excellent taste, and he can write, too!

That’s all for now, folks. Here’s until next time, eh? I don’t know when that’ll be exactly, but I’m hoping it’ll be sooner rather than later.

Film Quickie: “Dead Snow”

Huh? “Dead Snow”, you say? That’s sounds pretty lame, right? Well, yeah, I guess it does, but then it’s supposed to sound a bit lame, and just the tinsy, tiniest bit awesome. I’ve watched this Norwegian Nazi-zombie-horror-splatter-comedy two times now, and man, let me tell you something: It’s hilarious. Downright gut-wrenchingly hilarious, even, and since you Yanks are getting your taste of this film pretty soon (it’s gotten rave reviews out of Sundance and picked up a distributor), I thought it prudent to say some words about this precious little thing I love so much.

I don’t normally review Norwegian films, nor do I normally make much fuzz about my beloved zombie flicks.. For every “28 Days Later” and “Shaun of the Dead” there’s Romero’s latest fiasco and Hollywood’s lame attempts at PG-13 horror-zombie films, and I also know that most of you who read my blog aren’t horror fans (yes, I’m talking to you. Don’t look so damned surprised and wipe that damn smirk off your face, won’t you?).It’s not that it’s a genre that’s particularly hard to get right.Take some good-looking teenagers, stick ‘em in a shopping mall/abandoned building block/ in a cabin / what-have-you, and proceed to watch them get digested one at a time for at least an hour and a half. Spoiler alert: it’s usually the black guy who dies first.

“Dead Snow” doesn’t really remake any of those staples. It’s about a group of medical students who wants to spend their Easter holiday in the mountains. It just so happens that this particular mountain - the one with their cabin on it - has some pretty bad history. When WWII was nearly over and the Krauts were high-tailing it outta Norway’s beautiful countryside, one of the regiments tried to get the most out of the chaos. They started stealing all the valuables from the locals, who in turn got mad and chased the nazi-buggers off into the mountains. Where they presumably froze to death…

Or did they?

Ahem…. Well, I guess you’re all seeing where this is going. Teenagers go to cabin. Teenagers gets visited by local person who tells them creepy story. Teenagers shrugs it off, regrets it dearly and whoop-de-do, you’ve got a Nazi-zombie-horror-splatter-comedy.

And I think it’s pretty damn good one. Not exactly Oscar-material, but it’s not like that means anything, and while it doesn’t tackle themes deeper than “Things You Haven’t Seen Done With Intestines Before”, it’s still pretty darn funny. And that was, after all, the main point. It’s also got some pretty horrific stuff (flying brains) and some downright silly stuff, but they never waver too far from the main story-line. It’s a tight rope to walk, but they do it incredibly well, and that’s pretty much way I think this film will do well for itself in the States.

Other parts of the movie is pretty bad though, but a foreigner won’t notice the stiff dialogue as much as I did. They’ll just see a another zombie film, but with Nazi-zombies.

Now ain’t that something else?

7.0 /10 ( very, very weak)

(Okay so it should get a lower grade but it’s my blog, so you can all just suck it :) )