What’s that smell?

Can’t you smell it?

My God, you must be nasally impaired or something; this film literally reeks of shit. And no wonder, what with it being the gigantic turd it is.

O.K, so maybe I’m laying it on a bit too thick. It’s isn’t as if “Jumper” is as big a turd of a movie like last year’s “Eragon”. It’s actually quite a lot better than that (no great feat), but that doesn’t mean that I’m not disappointed.

Being the Sci-fi fan that I am, I’ll pretty much watch anything that seems a bit out of the extraordinary. “Jumper” seemed like a perfect fix in that regard; here’s a guy that has the X-men-like quality of teleportation and he’s also a bit of an anti-hero. And while the names of lead actor Hayden Christiansen (Star Wars) and the director, Doug Liman (The Bourne Identity, Mr. & Mrs. Smith) doesn’t make me drool with geeky anticipation, at least they’ve got the potential to make something a little bit fun out of this.

Anyway, that was my rationale for buying the ticket.

And I think I was pretty spot on when it comes to blockbuster capabilities of this flick, ’cause it’s entertaining in a spectacularly shallow way - just like most people seem to like they’re films to be. I, however, don’t. It isn’t even much of a redeeming factor in my book, ’cause any way you look at it, this movie sucked. Hard.

The plot was unoriginal, straightforward and incredibly predictable. The types (I’m not even bothering to pretend that they were anything remotely like characters) didn’t develop a single nanometre and they were also mind-boggling boooo-ring. Even Samuel L. Jackson’s part sucked arse, and he’s usually quite fun even when picks the worst films to star in. The dialogue was choppy at best, and the easy quips were for the most part pretty painful to watch.

The best parts of the movie was the scenery and the action scenes, which were actually quite good. But aside from that I can’t find anything to praise this film for.

Let’s just pray that they never get around to doing a sequel…

3.0/10